Now I understand that no one cares about someone else’s grief. That in a patriarchal society, a boy will always be pitied, not a girl. Even if you get raped, it’s your fault. So then, in my early youth, I quickly realized that no one would help me, that no one would feel sorry for me and no one would protect me. That it’s worth relying only on yourself in life. That’s what made me a strong-willed person. These qualities are very helpful in surviving in the world of magicians.
Let’s go back to Joker. A little preface. When I was less than 12 years old, I drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes. I was also interested in the opposite sex. My period started when I was younger than 11 and nobody explained to me what would happen if I had a relationship with boys. Sex education wasn’t taught at school and the girls in my yard didn’t know either. They didn’t understand that when a girl starts her period, she can get pregnant and have a baby. So, nature itself pushes you to date. It’s a strange transition – you play with dolls and then suddenly you’re interested in Nikita from next door. Your favorite doll will cry for you in a corner of the room like in a song.
I recall consuming a variety of alcoholic beverages during my adolescence, including gin and tonics, orange juice, beer, and, in the eighth and ninth grades, cognac. To be perfectly honest, I would not have graduated high school without the aid of coffee and alcohol. My life would have been unbearable without such substances for 15 years. However, I was not the most popular or rebellious individual in my school. I did not occupy a prominent position among the most difficult and disruptive students.
In the final year of my schooling, a classmate of mine was caught snorting drugs, while a group of my classmates was caught drinking alcohol in public. Yet, I must acknowledge that the girls from my parallel class took the lead, having already undergone three abortions by the end of their ninth year. Even the most exemplary students with impeccable reputations could not withstand the stress and pressures we all experienced at school.
My classmate, a highly regarded student, confided in me that after school, she experienced emotional turmoil, often leading to tears, before seeking solace in art classes.
You probably thought, dear reader, that my school and I belong to the disadvantaged castes in our society. But I can say that we are not. We all come from good families, well, relatively speaking. Everyone wears expensive school uniforms and has phones and laptops. Our school was considered good in a very, very small town.
One day, we were going to a party at the company. It was my 8th grade year. That’s when I put on a Joker mask for the first time. As I recall, it was Halloween on October 31st, 2007. The party and I wanted to dress up and celebrate. The girls painted scary faces, and I painted a mask like the main character in «The Raven.» Of course, I didn’t know what I was doing then. Now, after years of magical practice and study of demonology, I understand that the Joker was interested in collecting women. Everyone knows the story of Hardy Quinn. She was the Joker’s love and his counterpart. This is how we see the female obsession with the Joker.
My mental abnormalities began immediately after I put on my mask. It was a surge of energy and euphoria. I wanted to joke and have fun, so that Halloween night I annoyed everyone with my crazy antics. Me and my friend were riding in the snow and I was laughing like crazy.
My second strange behavior happened when I got into a fight with a classmate. Before that he had hurt me in every way possible and thrown mud at me. After the fight, my mom and stepdad didn’t come to school to sort things out. After I told my story, my mom said: «You got into a fight and you’re a creep.»